Ah, what a dumb year it was! Fortune chose the absolutely dumbest of the dumb that the gods of fate and humor delivered into our laps - and yours - this past year.
That's the good news. The bad news is that 2008 is the Year of the Rat.
Thank God. We've been so worried since Lucky dyed his hair jet black and started listening to the Smiths.
Don't laugh - if she were your master, you'd need a lifetime supply of Prozac too.
Payback is a bitch
Not so flush
Too bad nobody gave one of these to Chuck Prince
French newspaper Le Monde:
Electronic voting machines:
Election officials in Florida promptly order 5,000 units
A touch of under-statement
Procter & Gamble:
It's a fat world, after all
But officer, it was the Toy of the Year!
Microsoft's PR firm:
And the Patricia Dunn Pretexting Award goes to ...
Cocaine energy drink:
Quite a blow
Royal Society for the Protection of Birds:
There will always be an England
New Jersey Superior Court:
What Lindsay Lohan will be driving in '08
Oh, that explains it
Right back atcha ...
What happens in Vegas...
Adam "Pacman" Jones:
...doesn't always stay in Vegas
Guess she didn't want to play ball
But aren't mullets making a comeback?
I mean, since there wasn't any bloody ice on my bloody sidewalk ...
Swiss newspaper SonntagsZeitung:
Faux de Cologne
Remarkably, he has yet to be weeded out
Bear Stearns analysts:
We'll say this for Mr. Cayne: He clearly shares his primo stuff with the research department.
Gimme some skin, dawg
And we just thought our wives were really into oral hygiene
G-strings and sweaty bald men sold separately
Who knew "M&Ms" stood for Meatloaf & Mutton?
Let the Best Buyer beware
Judge Roy Pearson:
... thus making our satisfaction complete
Are you a moron? Click here now!
Oh, for the love of ... wait, you already said it yourself.
Oh, Manny, you're soooooo handy
What could be worse than porn for impressionable young minds, you ask?
They had such high hopes
The Toronto Blue Jays:
Child abuse: It's fan-tastic!
Bank of America:
Another subprime stunt
We seriously mistrusted those sprinkles
Johnson & Johnson:
And if those guys in Rome don't stop using our logo, we'll nail them too
He's also honest, humble, and nuttier than an organic fruitcake
The European Union:
They don't call it the European Union for nothing
German screw factory:
The red-light district in Amsterdam immediately closed
The Defense Department:
Makes you wonder what it would cost to ship a million German screws
One, two, three, four, we'll sue you if you send us more
Swiss watchmaker Romain Jerome:
And those Hindenburg gas grills are fantastic too
Get a grip, Tinkerbell
Research in Motion:
This is your brain on e-mail
Who left R2D2 alone with the AutoCAD and peppermint schnapps?
Which explains why Michael Vick bought himself a Nitro
Endemol Southern Star:
Cultural sensitivity? We don't need no stinkin' cultural sensitivity.
The cardboard shell and mysterious meatlike substance are intended as a lighthearted tribute to Mexico and its vibrant cultural heritage
Can't wait for the follow-up album, In Debt
Can't say he didn't warn you
Hey! That was Howard Stringer's goat!
In related news, Sony plans to acquire Nepal Airlines
That beheaded goat on the altar was really uncalled-for
Spain's National Institute of Statistics:
... thus putting the term "inflation" in a whole new light
Another PR department in the fetal position
Rhode Island Hospital:
It's not as if they're doing brain surgery or anything
In fact, many of our employees go on to be McBrain Surgeons
Thomas the Tank Engine:
Sir Topham Hatt was very cross indeed
Good job. You're fired.
Good job. You're all fired.
Take Cash Freely? Totally Clueless Fiduciary? Two Crime Friday?
Tort reform: That's hot
Hilton quickly files suit against all 278 kids
Kidding. We kid. That's what friends do, right?
The real estate market must be dead over there too
... and cardboard boxes ... and the color red ... and, come to think of it, Pizza Hut
What, you never heard of a barber who makes house calls?
The Virginia Tourism Corp.:
Virginia is for bangers
Granted, I flunked econ ...
... but I aced international diplomacy!
Fate's here to see you, and she brought her wire cutters
One Laptop Per Child:
On the bright side, they're learning a lot about anatomy
CIBC analyst Meredith Whitney:
Her husband, on the other hand, is more than a little freaked out by the downstream effects of the subprime crisis on the world's capital markets
Fly the not-so friendly skies
Fly the don't-get-too-friendly skies
Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin-Talal:
Fly the I'll-join-the-mile-high-club-if-I-damn-well-please skies
Fly the smells-like-the-back-row-of-a-Greyhound skies
Fly the well-at-least-he-didn't-have-to-use-an-air-sickness-bag skies
Fly the petty skies
Southwest Airlines, Part 2:
Fly the didn't-you-learn-anything-from-the-Kyla-Ebbert-fiasco skies
Fly the someone-in-the-marketing-department-is-out-of-his-freakin'-mind skies
Fly the nope-we're-still-not-flying skies
British Airways Part 2:
Fly the oh-gross-oh-gross-oh-gross-get-it-away-from-me skies
World Toilet Association:
Funny, that's what Larry Craig calls stall No. 2 at the Minneapolis airport
Hand wash with like colors in dishwater
All the vitriol that's fit to print
What comes up first when you Google "screwup"?
Just pop in your Birth of a Nation DVD, and you're off and running ...
Her grandfather made a killing in the stock market back in '29
Apparently he missed the memo from Bev
What, no action figure?